For years mental health professionals taught people that they could be psychologically healthy without social support, that “unless you love yourself, no one else will love you.” The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation.
Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you’re in love or you’re partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don’t know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something.
But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are.
And he explained, so absurdly simply, that if there’s nothing you can do about something, then you do nothing. And in that moment, the feeling of injustice, the frustration, it was lifted, it was gone, there was nothing to do. I realized I’d made it up, I’d made it up that it was an injustice, I’d made up the frustration, it was all a story. And it’s the same with the past, you can’t change the past, there’s no need to heal it, it’s only a story that you’ve created. All you can do is let go of the story. You can’t change yourself—all you can do is let go of the story of who you are, let go of the character that you’ve created from fear.